Memories, we made together
by dreamyhoney
Summary: so from the title memories are involved and its just a little, tragic story i came up with, while dreamin...totally centered on merder but other ships are mentioned so yeah plz review, cause this is my first fanfic. all and any reviews are welcome!
1. Chapter 1

A soft, continuous beeping filled the room. It was the sound of the life support machine that kept Meredith Grey-Shepherd alive. She had been in a vegetative state since almost two years, since tragedy struck, because two years ago, on April 17, 2005, there was a car accident, one that made the headlines. Since then, Meredith had been in Seattle Grace. She should have been let go a long time ago. But there was someone, someone that couldn't let her go- not yet. Her husband, Derek Shepherd. Since that fateful day, he had shut himself to everyone, and devoted each second of his spare time to Meredith. His friends and colleagues didn't know him anymore. Nobody did. Still, it was too hard for him to let go. It couldn't end now, not after all that they had been through together. And so, for what literally was the millionth (and one) time, Derek started talking to her. Not about anything in particular, just whispered words of love and faith.

"Meredith. I need you. So many people need you. Mostly, just me. You have to wake up! I can't live without you."

And yet again, for the millionth (and one) time, no answer, not even the slightest change occurred, to show him that everything was going to be okay. But, Derek wasn't one to quit. So, he tried to take his mind off Meredith's seemingly forever sleep, by reminiscing with her all their memories together. She did, in fact, look like sleeping beauty- so peaceful and serene; amazingly beautiful, even though she was in a hospital gown.

"Do you remember when we first met Mer? You looked so beautiful in your black gown, sitting all by yourself, talking to Joe. And as usual, you were downing countless shots of tequila!" At that he laughed a small, nostalgic laugh, one of the only things that reminded him he was alive.

"I came up to you and started talking to you. Your tried to ignore me but I finally convinced you of my charm…remember- hiding my secret pain?..." He trailed off as things got too much for him.

"Mer I cant do this…" He started quietly weeping. "Not without you. I am seriously nothing without you. I can't survive without you. Your are my life, my oxygen. Please wake up. Wake up! Just open your eyes, just for a moment. So I know that you'll be ok." For the third time that night, he tried to focus as hard as he could on her face and body- looking even for the slightest movement, anything.

"I love you Mer. Please, I need that to be enough. My love will never die, but I can't let go. I can't, not yet, not ever. I need you to much. I know that is selfish, but it's true. You are my everything."

As soon as he said that, her heartbeat started to increase rapidly. It was no longer continuous, but rapid, too rapid. She had agonal rhythm. Derek looked up horrified to see that she was crashing. He pressed the code button, but he could do nothing else. Nevertheless, he started to yell at her. "Meredith! No!! You can't! You just cant!" But these seemingly useless rants soon turned into loud sobs, sobs of too much grief built up, as he collapsed on the ground and the code team rushed in.

The room was filled with shouts of trying to sedate her, calm her heartbeat, as well as Derek's cries and tears.

Everything suddenly seemed to freeze in time- Derek's crying and the shouts of the code team as they tried to calm her heartbeat by shocking her- as the rapid, dangerous rhythm, turned into a painful, continuous, empty flatline.


	2. Chapter 2

_Im so sorry this took so long guys!!!!!!!!!!! really!!!!! work never stops...my comp was screwed up anyways...hopefully ull like this latest chapter...remember...reviews truly make my day!!!!_

"Mer! Meredith! You can't leave me!" The code team was now shocking her at 250, but no change.

The Chief, Bailey, Izzie, George, Alex, Burke, Mark, and Addison now 'walked' into the room, more like sprinted actually.

The Chief all but screamed, "What the hell happened?" He took in the flatline, everyone's shouts, but most of all, Derek's endless break-down.

Christina replied in a mixture of tears and anger, "She went into flatline, sir!"

"I can see that Yang." He now turned to Derek. "Derek, get out of here. It's too hard for you." But Derek stayed where he was, on the floor, rocking himself and crying his heart out, in slow, painful gasps. The code team was now shocking her at 350. Everyone, including the Chief started to join in Derek's tears. The whole room was thick with grief and shock.

"Derek I'm serious. Get out now!" Seeing as it had no effect, the Chief himself tried to pull Derek up, but Derek was strong and he was still resisting. The chief was just about to give up, trying to get Derek to leave, when a new sound filled the room.

It was the sound of Meredith's heart slowly starting to beat normally, as the code team shocked her the fifth time, with a charge of 350. With that, everything seemed to stop, and freeze in time. Slowly, but surely, Meredith's heart started to beat normally, with a steady rhythm.

Derek was the first one to react. Tears full of hope and happiness spilled from his eyes. "Oh thank god! Oh, she's ok!"

After that, the whole room was filled with relief and joy. It was true, that she was still, in a vegetative state, but seeing that she had not given up life, even after life seemed to have given up on her. This gave everyone an unbelievable feeling of hope, that maybe, just maybe she would wake up. This was a common feeling, even experienced by the previously, most hopeless people.

Seeing that she was relatively ok now, the code team left, leaving the chief, the five attendings, and the four residents alone with Meredith.

After the Chief murmured his gratitude and said good bye for the time being to Meredith, one by one, first the other four attendings, then all the residents said their good byes to her, knowing that Derek wanted to be alone with her now. Though no one mentioned it, there was an underlying fear and almost certainty that this would probably be one of the last times that Derek would be alone with her. Now that her heart had failed for the third time since the accident, it wouldn't be long before she actually wasn't there for real. As everyone left, they murmured a few words of what they hoped would be comfort.

For the second time that morning, Derek was alone with the love of his life. The only sign that she was alive, was the soft beeping of her life support machine.

Derek gently sat down on the bed, and took both of Meredith's hands and pressed it tenderly to his lips, trying to will her to wake up.

"Oh Mer, you really scared me before. Please try do not again or my heart could literally stop." His confession met deaf ears. So, once again, he searched within all of his memory and started to tell Meredith of all their times together.

"Do you remember the morning after the bar? You looked so adorably horrified when you find out that I turned out to be your boss. I tried so hard to convince you, but you weren't having it. But you still kissed me in the elevator…Remember drawing a line?" With that, he gave a short, sweet laugh, which quickly turned into a painful sob, one that embodied how much he missed her. Like life had stopped without her. Like he couldn't breathe without. Everything that mattered now depended on Meredith. Not even saving lives could compete to the emptiness he felt without hearing her bell-like, tinkling laugh. No aneurysm or spinal surgery could compare to the agonizing emptiness he felt without her adorable snoring, he had been annoyed with every night. In short, the world had simply stopped turning for Derek.

Yet, he found comfort in the fact that he remembered all their times together, both good and bad. Because you see, it only mattered that they were together. He told her of all the times they had sneaked around; then when they found out by their friends and Bailey. How she had seemed to be an obstacle! He continued telling her of all the things they did together after they were found out, from drunken tequila nights to comforting embraces in the rain….they had shared everything together. Then, he remembered the night when everything between them would change forever- the night when Derek's past came back in the form of a Gucci dress and Prada heels. His wife, essentially Satan on earth. Derek thought it was easy making that choice between his wife and his Meredith. But that proved to be a small downfall. Because he even after Meredith told that she loved him, begged him with all her heart to pick her, choose her, love her, he had stayed with his wife. All for the sake of guilt and trying to do the right thing. Even though he knew he loved her, even if he didn't admit it to himself at the time. After that decision, the two of them became like walking corpses-literally! They did not eat, sleep, or do anything, or feel anything of the slightest happiness. At times, it was even hard to breathe for the all the pain he had caused both of them, and later even Addison. The day of the bomb seemed to be the end for him. He really thought he had lost Meredith, but he didn't which was even more excruciating. He wanted so badly to be with her, to hold her, to tell her he loved her, but all he said was "You almost died today;" and then proceeded to remember in agonizing detail, their last kiss together. The day he realized she was seeing, dating, whatever you call it, his vet practically killed him, if he wasn't already dead, emotionally.

Prom was ironically their answer to their prayers, because this was the night when they both couldn't take it anymore without each other. Sure they had both tried to be without one other, but they needed each other too much and so they made love in the most passionate and tender way they could with the circumstances. They both knew it was wrong, that it hurt a lot more people than just them. But when they kissed, those things just didn't seem to matter. Not even what it would mean for them mattered. All that mattered was that they were together in the most intimate way, because even when words failed, the feel of them together as one, just simply was enough.

That was the night when he truly realized his feelings for her, and her feelings for him were truly awakened, after so long of painful waiting. Waiting for something, someone to fill the gaping hole in her heart.

Still, it would be a few months, before either one was ready to admit this to one another. These few months were more like a few decades. Finally that night came, when Derek told Addison he wanted a divorce because he and Meredith loved each other to much to be apart, and Meredith told Finn, that Derek was the one, the only one for her. Both seemed to break the hearts of the other two. Yet, it should be said, that, surprising as it was, Derek was extremely grateful towards Mark, because Mark came to Seattle, declaring his love for Addison. And, he was thankful that Addison was gracious enough to let go of what was already lost between them, when she realized she loved Mark too and they belonged together. Sure, it was painful for her, but also a relief, that she found someone that would love her the same way that she loved him, try as she might to deny it all those years. On Meredith's side, she was simply thankful of the fact that Finn was a nice guy, and that he understood that he couldn't have her. That happened three years ago, on a bright sunny morning in March. After that day, it seemed like it was truly happily-ever-after. Not just for Derek and Meredith (because they seriously could not be without each other for more than a few hours), but for everyone as well. Because soon after, Burke and Christina got married, to no one's surprise of course; Izzie and Alex got back together, which was a miracle, because even after she lost Denny, she found someone else to love just as much; George and Callie got married; and of course, Mark and Addison became a couple. For one year, all of them were close friends, never forgetting one another. They still all worked in the same hospital, but even outside they were the happiest they had ever been. That August 2004, Derek and Meredith got married, with all of their friends and family. Through everything, the friends were always there, together. When, the interns became residents, they were all there, when Burke and Christina gave birth to girl twins; when George and Callie gave birth to a health, baby boy; they were there for all of it.

Derek sat there telling her all of these memories, silent tears were rolling down his cheeks. He never bothered to wipe them away. He sat there with Meredith for hours, recounting all that had happened between them, leading up to her accident. From outside, a set of tear-streaked attendings and residents watched in sorrow, as Derek told her all of this. They cried in grief, but also in remembering, all that they had been through. Most of all, they cried in the realization that one of them, one of the famous nine surgeons and friends would not bet there with them for much longer. They stood their outside for what seemed like days, but in reality was only for a couple hours, till they all realized they were surgeons, and they had to go on living their lives, because that is what they thought Meredith would have wanted. So, grudgingly they tore their gaze away from the door and trudged slowly towards surgeries, where they knew they had other lives to save, other families to comfort, other loved ones requiring their skills. They had the will and perseverance to do so as Derek couldn't now, that even though there was really nothing else they could do for Meredith, other than whisper words of love and hope, that there were other people that they could do something for. Even the slightest thing made the difference.


	3. Chapter 3

I APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY for the HUGE DELAY!!!!! work is not letting up...but hopefully this update witll make up some part of my absence...

just a quick reminder...this update and the rest is gonna be pretty spiritual...the whole coma thing...but have faith in me!!! you wont be sorry!!!_  
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_ ON WITH THE SHOW!!!  
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_The light seemed to be pulling me towards it, continuously. The light was peaceful, a soft gold, that bathed me in its warm glow. It looked so inviting. I didn't know what was beyond it, but it seemed to be wonderful. I don't think I believe in heaven and hell, but the light seemed to hold promise for a better world. I have lost track of time altogether. I don't remember how long I've been like this. Drifting between the world of the living and the dead, always being followed by the light. I remember something about screeching tires, skidding over the rain-slick highway, an ear-deafening crash, and then enveloping darkness. My mind has tried to focus, to remember what really happened, but something always seems to be blocking me. They have to come to me in little bits, never full pieces of information. I remember I was going to work that day, I remember something about having a wonderful secret. A secret that I couldn't wait to share with Derek. Oh, Derek. My husband, my everything. I remember being a little late, the result of a late night. I remember trying to reach the hospital, to start another day with my five interns. I had been a resident for a little over a year. I remember something about ringing, a phone, while driving. I-that's all I remember. And now, I wish I could just leave everything, leave it all behind. I've been trying to leave for a long time, but my heart won't allow me. Because then I remember my work, the thrill of successfully clipping an aneurysm; I remember my friends- Christina, George, Izzie, and even Alex; I remember how they were there for me from the beginning; I also begin to remember Bailey and the Chief, always pushing me to be the best I possibly could; I remember Addison, Mark, and Burke- they have been there for sometime now; I remember my goddaughter, Leila __**something**__ Burke and Izzie's goddaughter Laurel Isobel Burke; I remember Burke's godson, Isaiah Preston O'Malley; I remember my mother, not the greatest you could hope for, but still my mother; but most of all I remember Derek, my Mcdreamy, my one true love. And I just can't seem to let go, to go towards the light, as people say. However, there is one thing I cannot remember. My name. I know that I'm a surgeon, I remember everyone, but I can't seem to remember my name. Why? Suddenly, I hear something out there, a faint, buzzing sound, but I can't seem to hear what it is properly. _

Derek starts to remember the tragic day. He doesn't want to, but he thinks, maybe, just maybe if he remembers and accepts it, he can let go. So, his mind drifts back to that day, the day, when he seemed to stop living. The night before, he and Meredith had come home after performing a very successful hemispherectomy together. After sharing a wonderful dinner of ahi-ahi tuna and strawberries dipped in chocolate, and dusted with a light covering of snow-white sugar, that he had specially prepared for her, they made wonderful, magical love, before finally falling asleep, exhausted. That would be the last time, they would do a surgery together, eat dinner together, and make love together. Derek starts to sob quietly, thinking if he had only just went to work with her, or stopped her, or anything, it wouldn't have happened. Early in the morning of April, 17, he woke up earlier than usual, 6:00 to be precise. He had an early craniotomy scheduled. He didn't want to wake Meredith who seemed to be in a deep sleep and didn't need to come to Seattle Grace till nine. So, he gave her a sweet kiss on the lips and told her he loved her, and then left for work. Derek now has to stop, trying to remember, his tears and Meredith, distracting his thoughts, as he takes a break.

_I can't hear properly. Please, let me hear. I want to, I need to. _She makes up her mind, as she tries harder, the hardest she has ever tried to focus her mind. Then, she starts to hear the sound more clearer. _Oh my god, someone's crying. I can barely make it out, but I can hear the sobs, I can feel the anguish and pain, from the tears. Who is it? _But, try as she might, she cannot seem to open her eyes._ Why I can't open them? But, I'm not losing this, not now. _So, she tries to make out who it is just by hearing. Then, she starts to hear more than just crying. _Oh, he's saying something. Yes, its definitely a guy, and he's saying something. I can't make it out. I push my mind harder, than I've done before. I'm giving this one last try, just to try and hear what he's saying. Oh my god. Meredith. Meredith, he's saying Meredith. That's my name! Suddenly it all comes back to me. I remember! Oh, it was awful! The morning of the accident. Derek had just kissed me good-bye. I could still feel the wonderful touch of his lips on mine. He said he would see me later in the day. I still heard it, even though I was sleeping. I remember, I woke up at 6:30, feeling the awful nausea, as I emptied last night's dinner into the toilet. I remember, I had bought a pregnancy test the day before, meaning to do it, but I never got around to. This was the fifth time I was experiencing nausea in the mornings. I was also late for my period, a few weeks actually. So, I finally made up my mind to take it. After waiting for about ten minutes, that same morning, I looked at the test, and I saw the tell-tale pink. I remember feeling elated, like I had gotten the best news of my life. I was going to be a mother and Derek, a father. I had planned to tell him at work. But, when I looked at the clock later on, I realized it was already close to 8:30, and I had to be at the hospital by nine. I hurried out of the house, and jumped into my blue Cherokee jeep. I remember the roads were very slippery from the night before- it had rained. So, I tried to drive carefully, all the while trying to drive as fast I could, so I wouldn't be late. I remember I was ten minutes away, when my cell phone rang. I remember trying to find it, but I made the mistake of looking away from the road. In that second, that would prove to be the biggest make I would ever make. By the time I had opened the phone, and said hello, it was too late. The last wonderful thing I heard clearly was Derek's wonderful voice, before my screams filled the morning air, and I dropped the phone, drowning out Derek. I couldn't control the car, it skidded on the slippery highway, making uncontrollable spins. I had let go of the steering wheel for just a moment, a fatal moment. As I was spinning, tires were screeching, and I finally lost control, as I spun headfirst into two other cars, both vans. Then, piercing, black darkness enveloped me as I heard something of an awful, ear-deafening crash. Oh my god. I remember, I remember everything. I realized more than ever that I didn't want to follow the light, not yet, not for a very long time. People were already too devastated and would be even more if I did. And I couldn't mostly because of me. I needed to go back, I wanted to go back. I needed and wanted to give myself that one last chance. There were too many things I couldn't leave behind. And so, with new resolve, I tried this time, with my utmost effort, to wake up. And I wouldn't stop trying till I did. _

Derek finally remembered that day and what had happened. He had just successfully finished his surgery and was just calling Meredith on her cell phone, to see how she was doing. What he heard when she finally picked up her phone would haunt him forever. The last thing he heard was her sweet hello, before they turned into screams of terror, and the phone went dead. Thirty minutes later, he turned on the news, and he saw it. He saw the accident, the accident that Meredith was a part of. Yet, even that didn't convince him. He couldn't. Maybe, he thought, that it was a mistake, just a stupid mistake. But even seeing the awful three-car crash on TV was nothing compared to when he saw his love being wheeled in on a gurney, several minutes later. He didn't even care to look at the other two people being wheeled in from the same accident. She was all that mattered. Her face and body were ghostly pale, except for the bleeding all over her face and body. She was dotted with small, purple bruises, and her hair was a mess, all stuck together. Her clothes were in tatters. Still, she looked so beautiful to him. She looked like she was at peace, like she was an angel, which is what killed him most. How could she just go? How was that even possible? Where did he go wrong? Then, he received some news that seemed to break his heart even more than seeing like her that. They found out that she was pregnant, but when her car crashed, she lost the baby, and there wasn't anything anyone could have done. That truly did kill him, in the worst ways. However, when he realized that she wasn't dead, but in a coma, he felt the smallest rush of hope. He thought that if he waited, just waited long enough, she would come back to him and everything would be ok. So, he waited and waited and waited. He had waited for two years, holding on to that smallest bit of hope. But, now it hit him. After he remembered all their wonderful times together, and their love for each other, he realized, that even though he had no life without her, he had to try, for her sake. He had to try because she wouldn't have wanted him to do this to him and to all their friends. The hope he had wasn't dead, but it was just transformed into something greater. He had to let go of her and move on. The decision was excruciatingly painful, but he had to let go. Because there was no use dwelling on something and someone already gone. He wasn't giving up their love nor her. He would never do that. But, there were other things to go on for, to live for. And so, with tears flowing freely down his face, he got up off her bed, and slowly left her room to go and talk to the chief about his decision.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so sorry for the late late update...been so busy...but hopefully this will make up for it!!!

as always, please review!!!

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_ I knew that trying to wake up would not be easy but I had to try. I was a surgeon, I knew that this wasn't very likely. In fact, it was extremely rare and almost impossible. It was already a miracle that I was still alive, in a way. But, as I thought of all the people I love and who love me in return, I felt a strong surge of life flow within me. As I focused more on Derek, every smile, every twinkle of his eyes, every curve and touch of his body, every silky strand of his perfect hair, I seemed to be going away from the peaceful light to a more bright, and real light. I was beginning to wake up. I slowly started to feel the touch of something smooth and soft-the bed sheets; I started to smell the hospital smell; I started to taste my own dry mouth; I started to hear the soft whirring of a machine I think; and with one last, final push, I started to open my eyes, and feel the glorious light of the sun through the windows and the light on the ceiling wash over my face. I think I was awake._

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After what should have been two minutes, but was ten, Derek finally reached the door to the Chief's office. He knocked softly, and he heard him say, "Come in."

He gently pushed open the door, and went and sat in a chair opposite to the Chief. The Chief kindly asked, "What can I do for you Derek?"

"I…I need to talk to you about Meredith." He said as fresh tears started to fall from his face.

"Ok Derek."

"This is so difficult for me, I can't even begin to describe it, but I've decided that I need to let go of her. I think it's time I did. I love her so much that it is the only thing that consumes me, and I don't want to give up. I don't, but, remembering her, remembering us together and all the memories we shared, made me realize that I need to let go of her. I don't want her to be in anymore pain. She has already gone through so much suffering and I want it to end. I think I have been a little selfish in waiting this long. But I needed to find the courage and the strength to do so. I don't want her to go through any more pain. I want her to be in a better place, where she can rest, just sleep forever. Even though I'm letting her go, I will never let go of all the memories we shared. Every touch, every laugh, every tear, every silent moment and scream, every kiss, I'm keeping it all."

Derek was crying openly now, as the Chief could do nothing but gently pat his shoulder and say, "Ok Derek. When would you like to do it?"

"Tod-Today evening. I would like everyone there."

"Ok, can you please sign this form?" The Chief revealed a hospital form and passed it to Derek, along with a pen. Derek was just about to sign his name, at the bottom of the page, after reading the terms to turning off the life support machine for Meredith, when a nurse suddenly burst through the door…..

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	5. Chapter 5

so...i hope this is an ok almost ending for everyone...i didnt have the heart to kill meredith after well...mcdreamy..lol

so i hope alll you guys like this!!!

but it isnt the end yet...wait and see...

now...ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

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The Chief revealed a hospital form and passed it to Derek, along with a pen. Derek was just about to sign his name, at the bottom of the page, after reading the terms to turning off the life support machine for Meredith, when a nurse suddenly burst through the door.

"What is it Nurse?" The Chief was a bit annoyed at the interruption but for all he knew it could be important.

"She's awake! She's awake Chief!"

"Who is?"

"Doctor Meredith Grey-Shepherd is awake sir!"

"She what?"

"It's a miracle sir, but she's awake and asking for the other Dr. Shepherd." The nurse now turned her gaze to Derek.

The Chief's face slowly broke into a grin. All this time, Derek didn't say or move anything. He was so shocked he could barely breathe. The only thing that rang through his mind was his Meredith was awake. She was awake. And he was going to let her go. But nothing mattered now, because his darling was awake. And so with as much speed as possible, he sprinted from the Chief's office to her room. He could vaguely hear in the distance, the Chief asking the nurse to alert, the other attendings and residents.

As Derek pushed open the door, he saw her, and in that moment, time seemed to stop. He could hear the intern in the far distance saying that she would come back later. But he couldn't care to acknowledge her. All he could do was stare at his beautiful Meredith. She was beautiful when she was asleep, but now it was like the world seemed to spin again. He was able to look into her crystal green eyes, and forever drown in them. Her golden hair gently curled around her face. A huge smile graced her face and he felt all the hurt and pain he had before leaving his body, as instead he overflowed with love and desire for her.

_Oh my god! It's my Derek. My McDreamy. He looks so tired and sad, but when I look into those piercing blue of his eyes, I can see his soul. I missed him so much. I love him even more than life. I have to speak to him, to know that he is in fact there. _

So, Meredith was the first one to speak, "Derek?" Her voice was trembling.

He made no reply, but simply crossed the forever space between them, and gathered her fragile body in his arms and just kissed her. Into this kiss, he poured all of the love he felt for her, all of the emotions he was feeling right now- love, happiness, desire, but most of all relief, that she was awake and there and that he could feel her soft lips on his, as she returned his passionate kiss. After for what seemed like forever, but was only in fact, a few minutes, they broke apart gasping for air.

Derek took her face in his hands and pressed it gently to his. Tears were falling down both of their faces. Finally, Derek said, "I love you so much Mer. I thought I had lost you."

"I love you too Derek, more than life itself, and I though I lost you too. But it's ok now. I'm here and you're here."

"Yeah…Oh my god. I have missed you so much. Life stopped without you, Mer. It simply ceased to exist. But I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry Mer, but I was going to let you go. I'm sorry. I didn't think you were coming back. I didn't want you to suffer anymore. It has been more than two years. I'm just sorry. So sorry."

Meredith silenced him with a loving kiss. "It's ok Derek. I understand. I do. I would have wanted you to move on too. There were others that needed you. But I guess should say that I'm glad I woke up when I did." She gave a small lovely laugh.

"Oh, me too. You have no idea, how glad I am that you chose not to give up, that you fought."

Then, no more words were exchanged as they had said all they needed to for the time being. They just held each other in each other's arms, as Derek gently stroked her face, all the while inhaling her scent of lavender. They stayed like that for some time, just existing….

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Please hit that purple button and review!!! 


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